I’ve compiled a list of “You know you are the product of a Narcissistic Mother If…” I have spent 40 long years dealing with my own Narcissistic Mother. I have read many incredible blogs, watched many YouTube videos, bought books, and talked with a few counselors, yet nothing helped as much as connecting with others who had the same experiences with their own Narcissistic mother or father. It was the Light bulb moments that helped to connect to other’s who understood exactly how I felt, when I felt like I was all alone in this constant guilt ridden life, all of a sudden someone would say something and it was as if they were talking about my life.
I felt this would be helpful for those who need a quick reminder they aren’t alone. Sometimes watching the videos or reading the blogs can really start to essentially do the opposite of what I’m trying to do. I want to free myself of the hold my mother had on me, not lose myself in a week long depression because of the time I’ve already lost trying to please her. At times, other avenues make me relive some deep feelings that make me feel guilt for her all over again. So below is a few humorous points to let you know you are NOT alone, you CAN DO THIS, and you are NOT CRAZY! Feel free to add your own in the comments below.
Below is my list:
~Buying any kind of Holiday card for your mother is a debacle, since they are all about someone else’s mom, but definitely NOT yours!
~Second guessing yourself about every single decision you make, she always said it was because I was a Libra! Nope.
~When something good happens in your life, you think it possibly can’t be happening, and sincerely believe it is a lie.
~Outsiders tell you how lucky you are to have her as a Mom… UGHHH!!! Are you kidding me right now?
~”The Look” you know, the one that tells you, you’ve said too much or you need to shut your mouth “IMMEDIATELY”! That word is enough to send me over the edge!
~She makes snide remarks about your significant other and will do anything she can to destroy the tiniest bit of happiness you experience. (Divorced Twice, not putting another poor man through that again!)
~She will guilt you when you show any thanks to anyone but her. “Well you never thank me, (Fill in the blank) hasn’t done near what I have for you” (You learn quickly that Sprint has “crappy service” and you almost always lose your calls)
~Thanking her is undeniably one of the hardest parts of her personality disorder, I’ve literally asked her if I needed to kiss her feet. You could thank her until the cows come home but it’s never enough. This usually occurs when you haven’t even asked her for anything but once again she went to Kohl’s and bought you a shirt (ugly at that) as a surprise.. usually the surprise is her reasoning to contact you for some nosy reason.
~She fantasizes in front of you about how much more money and how better life would be had she not had kids. (Doesn’t she ever realize how many times we wished we had been born to a different, more loving mother???)
~Trying to talk to her about your childhood and she argues over the fact that “You were NOT in softball for 7 years” when in fact you were, but now you are starting to even second guess that. (Who’s crazy??)
~She is the church lady, when it’s convenient for her. This has led you to despise religion, since one minute she is praying in front of her church group, and the next she is Mother F*cking the congregation pulling out of church.
~She repeats herself, usually when she is patting herself on the back for something… such as grand kids. It turns out they are a selling point in her business. She’s a “Doting Nana, with 9 grand kids, even though one isn’t biological, she has adopted him as her own” (I’ve literally heard this a million times). When the reality is none of her grand kids want anything to do with her since all she does is work. She doesn’t make time for them and then cries to us how it’s our fault and we must have said something to them, for them to distance themselves from her. (DENIAL isn’t in the make up of a Narcissist!)
~Strings attached: We call this “Is it worth selling your soul to the devil”. My brother and I are extremely close due to our upbringing. If we are in a bind, we will call each other and voice our issue before ever going to our mom. If it is something either of us can do for the other, we do it. If not, we know “Mom” will bring it up for years to come with her constant guilt trips and pity parties. (It’s a serious deliberation process)
~Motherly advice *Rolls Eyes*. No thank you. This is usually a constant event filled with “I would never have done (Fill in the blank).” Followed with some BS story about how wonderful she was when you were little. I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to call her out on her lack of parenting, yet I’m still made to feel like a terrible parent and ungrateful adult child.
~Phone calls and discussions with you about how little time you actually spend with her… this part may blow your mind, but I actually work FOR my Narcissistic mother, I literally spend 50 hours a week with her, yet I still get this guilt trip, on top of many others that occur when you not only have a Narcissistic mom, but she’s also your boss. (I will save this entire issue for another BLOG someday when she isn’t sucking the life out of me)
~She will run to everyone if she thinks something is going on with me that I’m not telling her. She has always gotten my friends, their parents, schools, etc… involved. She used to try this with my significant others, however it always back fired due to her inability to be friendly with them in the first place. (My first marriage, there was also a lawsuit against her).
~There is no line she isn’t willing to cross. In the end it will be your fault she was “forced to take action” when there was never a issue with you to begin with. If she thinks you are on to her OR she imagined something was said about her, she gets into guilty panic mode and that’s when things really start to get ugly… for absolutely NO REASON.
~Watching those videos where couples announce their pregnancy’s are heartbreaking, I’m waiting to see one where the Grandma-to-be throws a stapler at the expecting daughter and belittles and shames her for getting pregnant. Now that I can relate to!
~She hoards. OMG does she hoard! I have not read, seen, or talked with anyone else who’s experienced this as part of the Narcissist behavior. Please tell me I’m not alone!
These are just a few that I could think of off the top of my head, I’m sure I will come up with more and add them as I go. However, in the meantime, please feel free to share your experiences! We all need to get it out and release the control and negativity!
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