“The Infinity” Grieving Process

There are many phases of grieving when someone close to you passes. Over the past 6 months, I think I have experienced many, if not all of them.  In October of 2016, I was one of the unlucky ones, who experienced the curse of “The three’s”. One by one, God picked off each and every grandparent I had left on this earth.  My remaining grandpa’s and my one very special, raised me right, grandma, succumbed to cancer.  The weeks before her death were, what I thought at the time, the hardest times I had ever experienced in my lifetime. Watching her suffer was heartbreaking, she tried to bring our family together in her last days, she tried to renew our family ties, and reteach each of us what it meant to be family.  She tried so very hard, yet failed.

Gramandbob

The Infinity grieving process is this, when a family of the deceased, no longer is “Family”. When the surviving adult children of the deceased, care very little about “family” and the rest of the family suffers, in turn… causing a ripple effect of: loss of trust, loss of closeness, loss of bloodlines, loss of unity, and most of all, loss of Heritage.

This process, strips the family of a bond that had been taught to them, by the elders, since birth. It is spread by the selfishness of the adult children, the adult children that simply care more about money (there, I said it) than they do about family.  While they are busy fighting over who get’s what, and throwing nasty words around about each other to anyone who will listen… their children sit by in awe of the stupidity of their once, Hero. They act like less of a Monarch of the family, and more of a prostitute on a street corner.  Giving it to anyone who will take it.  They have cheapened the family name, they have made an embarrassment of themselves and the parents that raised them.

The Infinity of this selfishness can be felt by everyone in the family, other than the two, so called, “Monarch’s” of the family. This isn’t something that will fade in time, like anger or desperation… No, this will be a lasting heartache. The grandchildren and great grandchildren of the deceased have had to deal with a lot more than sorrow. They were raised together, laughed together, celebrated together, cried together and now because of the newly appointed “Monarch’s”, forced to despise each other.

alone

This isn’t a situation where you can “choose sides”, there aren’t any. You have no choice.  So, you carry on. The hurt is there, the deceit is there, and the Infinity seed is planted.   You consider cutting all ties to the family name completely, but you remember the people no longer here who actually gave that name meaning would not be happy with your choice. So you try to do better with your children, teach them better, yet somewhere in your family tree there are stories and celebrations that you are no longer part of. There are Holiday’s were you used to be in photos, were you no longer are.  It’s a ongoing heartbreak, one you never thought would happen to your family.  Not in a million years, yet here you are… No battle to be fought, No argument to be had, it’s been decided and you are forced to question everything you once knew, or thought you knew.  There in lies the Infinity of the grieving process, never ending, constant absence of more than just the person who has passed, but everyone who was once, part of your journey.

 

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